my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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