just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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