I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
