he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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