Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
