he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
