I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
