Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
