The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
