Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
