I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
