I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
