Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
