They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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