Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
