A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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