If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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