yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
