Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
