my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
