Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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