dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
