I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
