I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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