now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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