meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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