I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
