I just saw a hot homeless man
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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