I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
