Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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