YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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