4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
