i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
