My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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