I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
