well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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