did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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