i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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