Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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