Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
