"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
