that's an acceptable place to lick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
