I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
