You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
