he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
