U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
