Duck Duck Cougar?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
