I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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