Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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