Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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