Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
