3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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