How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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