is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
