True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
