I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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