Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
