chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
