The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
